• Sam Lasky

An Anxious Girl’s Guide to Boys

Updated: Jul 16, 2020

Rule #1. Don’t make eye contact — not unless you want to severely harm your chances of sleeping that night.

Rule #2. When at parties, don’t let them know you’re single. In fact, have an imaginary boyfriend ready to mention at any moment. Scott from high school? Alex from class? It doesn’t matter — MAKE IT UP. The bottom line is nothing and no one will step between you and your boyfriend, especially not a frat boy.

Rule #3. The girl gang. Find yourself a suitable group of girls to surround yourself with when in large social settings. They will provide a critical barrier between you and The Boys.

Rule #4. Don’t be too nice. Guys like the sweet girl schtick, so try not to give them those subtle flirty vibes. If you say anything after “hi”, just know they’ll take it as a come on.

Rule #5. Be deadly. Be fierce. But also be ready to hide in the bathroom when things get heated.

Rule #6. If they ask you out, have an excuse ready. “I’m busy with classes,” “I just got out of a relationship”, or my personal favorite: “sorry, I really like being single. It’s worked really well for me so far!”

Rule #7. Your smile is your weapon. Wield it wisely.

Rule #8. If he tries to kiss you, back away and loudly declare: PLEASE DON’T KISS ME. (I speak from experience here.)

Rule #9. If he wants to date you, provide this simple explanation: I can’t, my anxiety prohibits me from engaging in such behaviors. It’s kind of like a strict mother.

Rule #10. Forget the mega texts. Keep it simple. The last thing you need is an all night text convo that reveals all your most intimate details through a screen.

Rule #11. Consider ignoring all these rules and putting yourself out there so you don’t end up an utterly anxious mess like me!

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